From Susan in San Antonio, TX
Susan’s Question:
“How do I keep showing love and grace to my ex-husband when he keeps dragging me into battles? It feels like every time I take a step forward, he finds a way to knock me back down. I know Jesus calls me to love my enemies, but I don’t know how to do that without becoming a doormat—or losing my sanity.”
Susan, you’re in a fight you didn’t sign up for, and it’s wearing you down. I get it. You’ve got two choices here: let his chaos write your story, or stand your ground and write it yourself. You don’t get to control his actions, but you do get to control how much space you let him rent in your head.
Grace isn’t weakness. It’s strength under control. That’s not rolling over—it’s standing tall, keeping your boots planted, and refusing to become the thing you hate.
First thing—set boundaries like fence lines on a ranch. You don’t let the cattle wander into the neighbor’s field, and you don’t let your ex wander into your peace. That might mean you let your lawyer handle the back-and-forth, so you’re not constantly baited into reacting. It might mean you say less and pray more. Sometimes silence is the strongest word you can speak.
Second—don’t poison your own water supply. If your kids hear you tear their father apart, you’re just passing down bitterness like it’s an inheritance. You want to show them what strength really looks like? Show them how to take a punch without throwing one back. That doesn’t mean you trust him. It means you trust God more than you trust your own need to “set the record straight.”
Third—remember, love your enemies doesn’t mean like them, doesn’t mean trust them, doesn’t mean invite them over for Sunday dinner. It means you refuse to let hatred do the driving. Hatred is a wildfire—it burns the ranch, the fence posts, the barn, and leaves you standing in ashes. Don’t let him light that fire in you.
Pray for him—not because he deserves it, but because you need it. Pray that God changes him, but also that God fortifies you. And when you do, you’ll find the weight shifts. The storm might not stop, but it won’t sink you.
The world will tell you grace is for the weak. I’m telling you grace is for the strong. The ones who can stand in the wind without breaking. So, stand, Susan. Don’t back down from truth, but don’t let his chaos dictate your peace.
“Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.” – Romans 12:21
In the Battle with You,
Michael
Online Resources
Michael Vowell: Reflections on Grace, Love, and Leadership 